Single, Not Ready To Mingle

It seems like everyone and their uncle is talking about the dreaded s-word: single. Whether it’s a commercial about a “successful” dating site, or a pastor explaining the different steps to take as a single Christian, the topic of being single is everywhere. You can’t seem to get away from it.

As a girl who’s been single her entire life (and when I say my entire life, I mean I’ve never genuinely been asked on a date before), and as a Calvary Chapel “Bridal” College student, I can say the topic of dating comes up quite often. My dear, lovely college is infamous for its hundreds of students meeting The One on campus and marrying soon after; we even have a mock-slogan that claims, “Ring by spring, or back on staff” (meaning that if you don’t get engaged by the time you graduate you end up working for the college until you do). When I came home for the few weeks of my winter break, I was asked multiple times if there was any guy in my life, from my own family to my mentor to the members of my church. To be honest, I’d like the answer to be, “Yes, there is in fact a special someone in my life, let me tell you about him…” but instead the answer is, “No, sorry to disappoint you”.

At school, it’s not easy to see many couples walking around campus holding hands, or sitting in the coffee shop discussing the Word together. In fact, it’s sort of depressing at times. Thoughts like, “Why can’t that be me?” or “When will God bring me the right guy?”, or even, “Will God ever bring the right guy along…?” circulate in my head more often than I’d like to admit (probably more than once a day, if we’re being open and honest here). I know a lot of my friends struggle with the same sort of thinking, girls and guys. When you’re surrounded by couples on every side like enemy forces in a battle it doesn’t seem you’ll win, it’s hard not to wonder when God will bring you that Special Someone He’s planned for you. This is where trust and faith come in.

I mentioned in my previous article that I’ve struggled with anxiety for most of my life. Trusting God is something I find very difficult, even with singleness; it (trust) is a lesson I’ve been learning since I was young. I often think that, because people my age are getting married and I’ve never gone on a date, I’ll never get married. But, come on, I’m only nineteen years old, I’ve barely had enough time to have a legal marriage anyhow. I have so much life left that, although I’m submerged in a world of couples, dating, and romance, I don’t have to stress because there’s plenty of time left (should the Lord tarry) for me to enter into a serious relationship with the intent of marriage, which, in my opinion, is the only kind of relationship worth having. Why would I worry about never getting married when there are so many things I can be doing while single? Taylor from justtaylored posted an article, “24 Things to Do Instead of Getting Married Before You’re 24, a response,” that lists, well, twenty-four different things you can do while single. It’s a great article, and, if you haven’t read it, please do! Her insight on what you could be doing instead of waiting around is wonderful (for example, number 5: travel to a new country. I can highly recommend that one).  

Yes, it would be wonderful to have a boyfriend right now. Yes, I do have a Pinterest board filled to the brim with ideas for my future wedding if/when it comes along. And yes, I do get a little bit envious when I log-on to Facebook and am notified that, indeed, another couple I know got engaged. But I know that me not being in a relationship right now means that I don’t need to be in one, that God has other things planned for me right now and, when He decides it’s time, He’ll bring my future husband into my life. So, even though I do worry sometimes that, at the rate I’m going, I won’t be getting married any time soon, I know that God will use this time I have as a single young woman to better my relationship with Him and use me in ways He wouldn’t if I were married.

That’s why I’m single, but not ready to mingle: I’m not going to be seeking out potential husbands when I go back for my final semester of college next week. I’m not going to “keep my eye out” for suitors. Should the Lord bring a relationship into my life, I’ll welcome it. Until then, I’ll be focusing on the relationship I’m in right now – with God. My relationship with Him comes first and foremost, no matter if I’m single, dating, or married. 

My friends, if you’re like me and are struggling with your singleness, focus on the one relationship that will last for eternity. Don’t force a relationship with the first willing person.  As the writer of Song of Solomon said, “I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases” (Song of Solomon 8:4). Please do not rush into anything that’s not of God. A good-looking person who says they’re a Christian, but acts like they’re anything but, is probably not the right one for you.  It’s cliche, I know, but the right guy or girl will come along. Whatever you do, don’t think you’re going to be “forever alone”. Yes, some people are called to a life of celibacy. However, even they are one day going to be wed with their Heavenly Father for eternity. While marriage here on earth may seem like “it” for most Christians, remember that even that will fade. Only the marriage of us and God will remain, and we can rest knowing that that marriage will come one day. 

Snow White sang it best: “Some day my Prince will come. Some day we’ll meet again. And away to His castle we’ll go, to be happy forever I know.”


3 thoughts on “Single, Not Ready To Mingle

    • Barry says:

      Bethany, great article. I did not ‘date’ until 18. Later than many in my circle of friends, also. It’s ok. Your time will come.
      Marriage does not ‘solve’ anything. Even though it will be blessed by our Lord, it takes consistent work. Yep. Work.
      So, I’m glad to hear you ‘re not in a rush. As you stated,”…….only nineteen years. old.”


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